When Robert Louis Stevenson wrote The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde, he did so with a very clear message in mind. The novella is a classic rumination on how tall people are morally ambiguous, but short people are evil, and therefore it is better to be tall and suppress your pelvic urges, than to be short and unable to do so.
But after carefully reading the book over seventy-two times, I believe that there is something else at play. I believe, crazy as it may seem, that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are the same person. Now I fully expect to be mocked and booed for this, but before you judge me, please look at this evidence.
1. Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde are never seen together
Despite being ‘friends’, we never see Jekyll and Hyde together drinking margaritas and dishing on Richard Enfield, the notorious man-whore. Enfield’s escapades should have formed the basis of a strong and kind of bitchy friendship in which they sit down every Friday and laugh at him, because he thinks he’s really hot but really women only sleep with him because he’s rich. You should have been able to hear their laughter through the walls as they told one joke after another about Enfield, who thinks they are his friends, when really they have deep contempt for him. And yet this is quite clearly not the case. They never meet throughout the book, let alone rightfully mock Richard Enfield for his misplaced self-confidence. Therefore, I can only assume that Jekyll and Hyde are the same person.
2. Doctor Jekyll Pays Mister Hyde’s Rent
As we all know, the only times that you pay somebody’s rent are if you accidentally trick them into adopting a dog/cat/baby, or if they are a fragment of your moral psyche given physical form. Since it is established in virtually every chapter that Mr. Hyde has no dog/cat/baby, as he gallivants around town with no apparent commitments to a dependent, then we must assume that he is a part of Dr. Jekyll’s moral self, and therefore they are the same person.
3. Doctor Jekyll is a Scientist, and Scientists are Sketchy as Fuck
Scientists invented the atom bomb, and weaponised lupus. Fuck those guys. I bet they all have murderous short people inhabiting the same body as them.
4. The Whole ‘I’m Evil Doctor Jekyll’ Thing
When I was fourteen I had a preowned copy of Jekyll and Hyde in which somebody had repeatedly crossed out the name ‘Mr. Hyde’ and written ‘Evil Doctor Jekyll’ in its place. This annotation extended to the front cover. The book was called The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Evil Doctor Jekyll, and the only physical difference between Jekyll and Evil Jekyll was that Evil Jekyll held a novelty moustache in front of his face at all times. His catchphrase was ‘I’m Evil Doctor Jekyll. No relation to Doctor Jekyll, and especially not the same person.’ But this vehement denial didn’t fool me. I knew he was the same guy.
5. The Story Doesn’t Add Up
Gabriel John Utterson is asked by Jekyll’s butler, Poole, to help solve his master’s disappearance. Poole is worried that Hyde has murdered Jekyll, and is now living in his apartment, but this story doesn’t make sense. Doctor Jekyll is a doctor. If Hyde had stabbed him, then he would have fixed the stabbing with his doctor skills. If Hyde had shot him, he would have fixed that too. There was no way Hyde could murder Jekyll, because Jekyll was equipped to heal himself. Also, why would Hyde move into the apartment of the man he murdered? And if he was living there, why wouldn’t Poole tell the police instead of Gabriel John Utterson, cousin of the notorious man-whore Richard Enfield? In fact, going on this, I think it’s very likely that Poole is Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde as well. Nothing else makes sense.
So there you have it. My crazy theory, but maybe now not as crazy as it seemed at first I hope. Perhaps it is correct, perhaps it is wrong, and perhaps there is no such thing as right or wrong. Whatever the case may be, don’t let people tell you what to believe. That’s how politics starts, and I will not have politics in this house.
See you next time!