According to Jungian literary critic Christopher Booker, there are only seven basic plots in all of literary writing. I planned to write an article on these seven basic plots on my short flight from Heathrow to Coventry, but somehow I’ve ended up at Dulles International Airport in the USA. And somehow I didn’t even notice that my journey increased by eight hours. How did this happen? You’d better believe that the seven basic plots don’t explain it at all.

Overcoming the Monster

The first basic plot is about overcoming the monster, in the same way my plane overcame the Atlantic ocean when it was redirected to Dulles International Airport. Overcoming the monster is overcoming adversity in the form of an adversary, whether non-human or human, but it did nothing in helping me to overcome the explanations of the airport authorities as to why they’d flown me all this way without really telling me they would. Useless.

Rags to Riches

Rags to riches details the coming into great wealth or success, the complete opposite of what happened to me when they insisted that I pay for being redirected to Dulles International Airport. Unfortunately, like the rags to riches story in the first part, I’m poor, and paying it broke me. I’m living in a bathroom at Dulles International Airport  until I can contact the British embassy. Unhelpful.

The Quest

One of the most famous plot-types–the quest–involves going on a quest, like my quest to discover how my flight got redirected to Dulles International Airport despite it being literally eight hours away from my intended destination. Since nobody can tell me, I guess this is a doomed quest, which isn’t adequately covered here and so doesn’t help me at all. Worthless theory.

Voyage and Return

My voyage was supposed to be to Hull to see an elderly relative, but that’s all come to nothing now. Instead I’m in the USA, where I don’t have any elderly relatives. How do I return? This theory doesn’t cover it. It has no real life application.

Comedy

The funny thing was, I thought this would save me time and money. ‘Let’s just fly’ I thought to myself. ‘Beats the motorway’. What a fool I was. I forgot that we live in a world where airlines will heartlessly redirect you to Dulles International Airport, and nobody will ever tell you why.

Tragedy

WHY!!!!????????

Rebirth

I don’t even know what this one is supposed to be, but I’m broke and trapped at Dulles International Airport. And not in a fun Tom Hanks way. Help me. Please help me.