Wow! Ayn Rand’s Theme Park, Ayn Land, Is Finally Open to the Public

Greetings Free Thinkers. Tis I, Ayn Rand, the favourite author of many fifteen year old white males and also Paul Ryan.

Now I know what you’re thinking. ‘Isn’t she dead?’ Well, yes and no. Death is communist, because everybody does it, so I refused to die, and uploaded my consciousness onto a disk. Unfortunately, said disk requires a lot of money to run, and so I am opening my theme park, Ayn Land to the public, to make up the funds.

Ayn Land was founded on the principles of Objectivism. As such, there are no safety regulations. Regulations are evil and destroy competitiveness. I don’t care how many people are decapitated on the rollercoaster of swinging knives, I won’t let the mediocre people tell me that I can’t do what I want. I am special. I wrote books. They were really long books. Long books show that you are clever and have important things to say. Atlas Shrugged is about how a special man refuses to be dragged down by diverse people working together for a common goal. Community is sickening. Do not mingle with other people in Ayn Land.

Do not hold somebody’s hair if they are sick after riding the roller coaster. This creates dependence. Soon they will be stealing for the government. You created a parasite. Way to go.

Don’t wait in line. If you don’t have the specialness to kick other people in the face and steal their spot then you’re a communist and you’ll be sent to the Ayn Rand Death Maze in Alabama. That’s right. I constructed a Death Maze. By myself, because to use Union labor is evil. It’s an unnecessarily big Death Maze that goes on for hours and hours about nothing. It’s the greatest thing ever. The Death Maze is not part of Ayn Land. It’s actually quite far away and I’m not driving you there because that would make you a parasite and also I no longer have a physical body.

The highlight of Ayn Land is the ride in which a special person monologues at you for sixteen hours about how he is special and deserves special treatment because he is special and you are a filthy rat human with no redeeming features and deserve poverty and death. And you do. You sicken me.

So go to Ayn Land and give money so that my consciousness can live on. Now please prepare for a 700 page lecture by me, a special person.

Capitalism is the natural system of *transmission ends*

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