This is the best comeback you’re going to read all day. A series of letters recently discovered in the private apartments of George Orwell have revealed that Animal Farm, so often believed to be an allegory of Stalinist corruption of socialist ideals, was actually as far more personal book to the author. In fact, these letters suggest that Orwell’s story about a pig dictatorship (or a pigtatorship, copyright pending) was actually based on the authors life experiences of being oppressed by a pig.
Wow! This is weird even by my standards!
A letter written in 1945, shortly after the publication of the book, reveals Orwell opening up to a curious fan by letter and explaining the history behind the book and the inspirations of his life.
I am not sure why so many people think that Animal Farm is about Stalin. I don’t have anything against Stalin. I mean sure, he’s a paranoid, psychotic mass murderer, but look at his moustache. It’s bushy. My moustache is terrible. It just looks like my top lip is weird. Why do I even have it? Anyway, the story of Animal Farm is far more personal to me because I was ruled by a pig for fourteen years and I wanted to besmirch his memory.
It is true that George Orwell’s moustache is terrible, so nobody felt a need to dispute that, because it looks like a small child stuck a few hairs to its top lip and was like ‘I’m a man.’ Seriously, look at that shit.
No, the true question was regarding his ‘ruled by a pig’ remark. Naturally, his fan thought that perhaps this was a metaphor for a neglectful father, but Orwell was quick to refute that idea.
No. My father was a good man. I was ruled by an actual pig. His name was Buttercup and he was a monster.
Naturally interested, the fan pressed even further and after a short exchange Orwell finally opened up about his childhood pig rule.
When I was eleven, a pig wandered into my house. When my father asked ‘what is this pig doing in my house’, the pig proceeded to head-butt him into a coma. Then it turned to me and even though it could not speak, I could tell that he was saying ‘I am your father now.’ And that was the start of fourteen years of iron rule by my pig master Buttercup.
Wow! Heavy stuff! A traumatic story that I can exploit for clicks! But the story doesn’t end there. No, after fourteen years Orwell had had enough.
When I was twenty-five, Buttercup sent me on a slop run. That meant picking up his slop from the slop salesman, Mr. Slopman. By now I had learned to write ‘A PIG HAS ENSLAVED ME’ on a piece of paper, and so I slipped a piece of paper with that message to the slopman, Mr. Slopman. He looked at it and kind of shrugged and that was that. When I got home Buttercup had died of carbon monoxide poisoning. I was finally free.
But the story even more doesn’t end there! Orwell decided that he wasn’t content with Buttercup’s death. He wanted to destroy his memory.
I came up with the story of Animal Farm, in which pigs would become the dictators of everybody and nobody would like them. That is what the story is about. Pigs just kind of being assholes. Anyway, the bacon lobby picked it up, because they thought that portraying pigs as assholes would allow them to sell bacon as self defence, and it went on from there. But then everybody said it was about Stalin and I can’t be bothered to correct them.
WOW! The story just gets better. And it even morely doesn’t end there! There was one final twist that will give you the feels. A few days later, Orwell received a letter from his fan, which seemed to be an unintelligible scrawl. But evidently Orwell could read it, because he responded accordingly.
You mean to say that you are the daughter of Buttercup, and that you’re sorry for the pain your father caused to me and you hope that we can perhaps meet up and discuss this and put the past to rest and move into a more hopeful future!? I would like that. I would like that very much.
The power of epic comeback, and the power of redemption. This is truly a story designed to manipulate your emotions after all.