Hold on to your hats because Harry Potter is still out there making a difference.
Eleven years after the last book dropped, heroic being JK Rowling is still out there doing it for the kids. Between tweeting epic takedowns of Donald Trump, and epic vacillations as to why Johnny Depp is still in Fantastic Beasts, Rowling has spent the last few years making the Harry Potter books even better by retroactively adding details like “Dumbledore is gay” and “Mrs. Norris has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It’s a serious illness.” But yesterday she came out with what may be the greatest reveal of all.
“It was always my intention that the Harry Potter series was actually set in a migrant camp in Calais.” Rowling said. “You can see this in the way I just said that right now.”
She then added that Harry was “maybe Somalian? Yeah, sure, that’ll do.”
Wow. JK for President amirite?
Harry Potter fans are ecstatic. “I didn’t realise that this was JK’s intention due to the fact that there were zero indications written into the original books and I had to literally rely on hearing that just now, but now I do know it my mind is blown”. said Potter super-fan Joey Fatone.
“This explains absolutely nothing, but I’ll be first in line to buy the £50 new edition where Hagrid screams ‘”You’re a migrant Harry” and then breaks down in tears.” said self-professed Harry/Dobby slash fiction extraordinaire Theresa M.
Rowling was typically woke about the whole thing.
“I just think that it is the responsibility of everybody to be retroactively progressive.” she said wisely while drinking liquid money from a goblet. “I think that this is proof that you can take a stand on things years after making more money than the combined economies of the Baltic states from your pretty uncontroversial, middle-of-the-road stories about wizard boarding school. If we all took a retroactive stand on things, imagine what we could accomplish. Why, we could slowly begin to feel slightly bad about systemic oppression in fifty to sixty years time.”
So true. Our politicians could learn a thing or two from JK. FTW. YOLO. etc.
Wow! JK Rowling is bae <3<3<3<3<3